This may seem like a strange question, but think about it: Was your dad a parent, or a buddy? Do you know what I mean? Was he someone that did only fun stuff with and never really scolded or corrected you? Or the opposite; someone who taught you, and was stern and sometimes you thought to harsh? You know, someone you looked at in maybe a little fear and reverance? I don’t mean to imply a father can’t be both. But my Dad had a saying growing up that used to make me roll my eyes sometimes. It was this: “Son, I am your dad. Not your friend. We can do fun stuff but I am your dad, not your friend.”.

Now I knew my Dad loved us boys, but at the end of the day the buck stopped with him and there was no “discussing” or analyzing things to come to an agreeable solution for both parties; Dad said and we did. It wasn’t that he was a tyrant in those situations, it was just the way it was for the roles in our family, and possibly in your’s too! And wouldn’t you know I do the same thing as a father now! I understand that being a dad means we can do fun things and laugh and joke. But I am dad, and they are children. I love them, but I am not their buddy that does what they want and doesn’t say the hard things that need said to teach them. To instill in them Biblical values that I as a “friend” may not always say because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

It may come as a shock if you truly stop and think it over a little, but I think there’s some truth in that sentiment. You can lose the ability to be an effective parent if you’re always worried about upsetting or offending your children. Just as you can discourage or lose your children’s heart if you are always demanding things of them and criticizing them. Could we agree both are ditches on both sides of the road to good parenting? You can’t always be their “friend”, or a disinterested teacher. It requires the wisdom of the Holy Spirit and being accountable as a couple before God and each other to be effective parents.

Was your Dad, or Mom, a friend to you all the time? Maybe a drill instructor? Maybe both? Our parents weren’t/aren’t perfect and neither are we. Both in days gone by, and today parents will make mistakes and by God’s grace learn and move on and be better the next time. But what if I told you that there are to many churches today trying to be everyone’s “friend” and less of an effective, shining example of Christ? What if I told you churches today are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings and wanted to make them feel better about their life? To minimize responsibility and instead maximize fun and entertainment? Can you see the parallels between a “friend” in a parent, and a “friend” in a church?

Again, just like the parenting example, it’s not 100% true, but I wonder if it’s worth considering. To many churches in the world today focus on what will attract, or keep people happy in their building. Instead of simply sowing the seeds of the Gospel and discipling new believers in the inerrant, infallible Word of God to make them stronger disciples. Instead it’s music, lights, philosophy and humanities classes. And if you point this out the cry of unity is suddenly heard echoing from the pulpit of these churches (usually directed at some lone dissenting voices that point out Biblical inconsistencies with this method). We cannot be a roaring lion for Christ if we are seen to be the tame fluffy kitten that wants a nice pillow and a bowel of lukewarm milk.

Now, we are commanded to show love, not only to each other as believers (Rom 12:10, John 13:34-35, Eph. 4:32 to name a few), but also to the lost sinners in the world around us like God does(Eph 2:4-5, John 3:16, and Rom 5:8), but that love doesn’t come at the cost of truth. And what God calls sin is sin, while also what He desires should make our heart swell with yearning for the same things!

So what do you think is the more effective formula to show a lost person the Gospel of Jesus Christ? By always emulating what they want to see? By always minimizing what needs to be said for what they want to hear? Showing them a “good time” instead of having a heart-to-heart talk about their burdens? Is true love something that will leave the weightier things unsaid so to keep a casual relationship stable? I think we know the answer.

Here’s the deal though, showing true, genuine love doesn’t mean we simply say “Yeah you’re going to Hell without Christ” turn and walk away back to our respective corner. True love demands we say the hard things but in a Christ-like way of love and mercy. We are to speak the truth in love as Ephesian 4:15 says. We say it so that we can all grow in Christ. You can look at it from the other way too. We know the Holy Spirit led Paul to write in 2 Timothy 4:3 about when a time will come that people will not listen to sound doctrine but instead turn to people who tickle their fancy in today’s wording. So analyzing that that is said in a negative light, how much more should we not fall into the trap of “seeker-friendly” methods?

Now to be fair, we should have the same Spirit Jesus Christ had of love and mercy when talking with the woman at the well, the adulterous woman, Nicodemus, and Zachaeus. But we also need to not lie when confronting sin or apostasy in a fellow believer, or in presenting the gospel to an individual, by glossing over the sin or apostasy because we fear the person’s response. Make sense? Jesus said it plain enough in Matthew 10:28 “And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” Would we be okay to stand before God and say we left things out of our witness simply because we didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings? I think not!

So again, do I want to be a friend to someone who doesn’t know Jesus Christ? YES. Do I want to be that friend while also giving the impression that I support their lifestyle if it’s contrary to God’s Word? NO. But this takes prayer, earnestly being in God’s Word, and understanding who He wants me to be. How am I to conduct myself, while also showing an agape love. It’s a tall order for sure, but easily doable when I surrender to Jesus Christ and let the Holy Spirit lead me!

This also isn’t to focus on one subject! There are many areas in doctrine, practice, and application of God’s Word where Christians have to wrestle with what does this look like for a 21st century Believer? But, one thing our lives cannot be is to make a unbeliever feel that their life is okay and there is no need to change. Because let’s face it, without Christ we are ultimately all damned to an eternity separated from God by the fires of Hell. We need to honestly evaluate by prayer before God, and the aid of His Holy Spirit how our lives are measuring up to what He tells us to be. Stop taking our cues from the world and instead start cueing up God’s Word!

I’ll leave you with the lyrics of a song I have heard for years, We Want America Back by the Steeles. It’s application is as good for our children as parents, and for our churches as Believers. God bless and keep studying!

“I’m not raising
dogs at my house; I’m raising children… created in the image and likeness of almighty God.
And I’m going to teach them the Bible. If the Bible says it’s right… it’s right.
And if the Bible says it’s wrong… it’s wrong.”
The only hope that America has is that Godly men and women of character
will stand together as one might army and
declare to the immoral, the impure, the obscene and the foul,
“Your days of unlimited access to the minds of America are over.